Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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