we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
