Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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