Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
