I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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