remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
