Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
