I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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