They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
