My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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