worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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