the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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