Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
