You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
