ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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