no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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