Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
