i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
where are my eyebrows?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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