bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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