Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
