just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
