Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
