When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
