I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
