she was so not down for the gang bang
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
When are your genitals available?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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