i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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