honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
