i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
