my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
