It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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