peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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