i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
