But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
