I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
