Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
