Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
