Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
