I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
