I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
