you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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