Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
