My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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