At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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