She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
