Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
