therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Randomize
