are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
