no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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