I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
