apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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