i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
