life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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