I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
