Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
