we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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